Finding work in the Mystery of Redemptive Suffering

Living in union with Jesus on the Cross for this Lenten Season. Please pray for the good work being revealed in the mystery of suffering.

This has been a very difficult season, that began this fall, when H1N1 broke out severely in Cheyenne, before the shots were available. The attack took 6 weeks for the lungs to be completely clear, but the real hit was what the virus did to my gut (Crohn's) and my immune systerm.

By Christmas, even with medical treatment, my Crohn's was not settling down, but seemed to get worse each day. Right after Christmas, my parents and I went for a surgical consultation at St. Luke's in Denver, CO. My excellent colorectal surgeon, a GOD SEND, examined me ever so gently with the greatest of respect and dignity. After less then 15 minutes he had seen enough and heard enough. Ask me to get my parents if they wished and we met the next hour and half in his personal office.

Very intense meeting with many tears, because my colon could not be saved. Scar tissue that had been building up for over 14 years and was in a rapid degeneration process that was going to cause a major life threatening condition in about 2 - 6 months. I had to have a colostomy, or I would not survive.

So on January 21, I went in for a very intense surgery where my anus, rectum, and small part of my large bowel was completely removed and I was given a pernament ostomy in the bottom left side area. (Little dark humor, I am offically a bag lady!) This surgery is very hard, for they have to completely reconstruct the pelvic floor to hold all your internal organs in. Very intense, I remember lying in bed feeling those muscles moving for the first time. Oh my what a little taste of the pain Christ experience hanging on the cross trying to lift those muscles to breath. What a humble experience beyond real words to express.

My recovery though was going really well, after 7 days I was able to go back to Wyoming with my parents, not strong enough to be on my own yet still. Anyways I had gone for my sugery follow up 2 weeks after and my surgeon was going to release me for half days starting 22nd of February. Two days later I had a fever, upper respitory infection and allergic reaction occuring from adhesives around the stoma.

While this was occuring I got to experience first hand the great, great, great poverty here in Wyoming for those who need adequate care and at times the severe lack of it here. I had a number to call during the weekend for a homecare nurse on call to come to the house if something was wrong. No answer any call anywhere. I was scared to go to ER here and knew my regular nurse would be in first thing Monday morning. So we waited for her, when she came she freaked, knew something was very wrong. Started the referral process to get a specialist nurse, only one in area. Her agency sat on the paperwork for 24 hours, not til the next afternoon when my nurse called to see if she came that she went livid and started to fight the system to get her to me.

Weds morning went to my GI specialist, who said WOCN nurse has final call, but he wanted me to go back to Denver as soon as possible. Went back home and my angel came to my rescue. Even my other nurse came to help and while they were working on me, my surgeon called me from Denver. Such a God event who spoke directly to my specialist nurse. By nine am, Feb 11th I was back in the hospital receiving excellent care with so much Christ centered compassion from everyone at St. Lukes. Though by the time I was released from the Hospital on the 19th, I had gone through 3 surgeries in less then a months time.

Final one was Ash Wednesday, got first humira shot and ashes on my forehead just before being sent back into the OR. What a beautiful way to begin my lenten journey. On the cross for him and all those who are abandoned in their suffering.

Years ago when I was sent back to Wyoming from a religious community I was so in love with, after a severe attack, completely a God event, because I belong in Wyoming, not elsewhere, I knew God was working and I received many consolations and graces. I was a needy little soul who needed the cotton candy to get through the deep grief and severe physical pain when going down a path I did not want to take.

This journey is a very different one. What a blessing that my last class I completed a paper on Saints of Darkness, the Redemptive Sufferings of Blessed Teresa of Calcutta and our much beloved JPII. What a blessing that theological exploration gave me in recognizing amongst this journey a beautiful call within this mystery of suffering that is being revealed each day during this intense Lenten Journey. For years I have been praying for the Lord to tell me where he needed me most, what is the work he needs here for this particular people and place of the frontier church.

He has revealed it and it is so beautiful and such a deep need for the poorest of the poor amongst us here in Wyoming. The ones who are isolated and abandoned because of disease and disability. I have the next year or so to live in union with these poor, to pray, to work, to study, and to live among them as one of them.

We are already beginning a work, to start a support network. But it is bigger then that. We do not have Catholic heathcare here in Wyoming, and we needed something that is for the particular challenges of rural life here. For too many are falling through the cracks. Free clinics in area have had to shut down, and shortages are just awlful. Education needed of public, patients, family, care givers, and professionals in the field. The innate dignity of the human person needs to be protected through the whole life from conception to natural death.

Good hearted, faithful servants in heath care here are being overwhelm by a mentality that heath care is a business. Euthanasia is being practiced here quietly without any fanfare under the guise of hospice care. Cases in the local hosptial, hospice center, and nursing facilities where others have suffered the same fate as Terri Shavio and no one spoke up for them. (Hippa does a good job hiding the reality at times.) Like me others have been abandoned when they need help the most. This is going to change, others have already started the work. Now I have been asked to enter into it as well.

I knew after a tremendous healing at the Marian Eucharistic Conferrence in Jackson Hole on October 23, 2004, that by accepting my special mission, my bitterness in this life would increase. I can now say this is a path I can gladly take for it brings our Lord such pleasure to use me so. He can crush my bones if he so chooses.Though just like before, this will pass, because there is a very important work needed here. I know in my heart of hearts, even if i can't feel his heart, that I am very close to him this Lenten Season. I ask for your prayers for me and the others on the frontlines here in Wyoming. Know you are all in mine and if you have any special requests send me a message and I will offer my sufferings for you and your intentions as well.

One in the sufferings of Christ,

a little handmaid

Lenten Journey Begins in the Mystery of Redemptive Suffering

As you can see I have not visited my blog in quite awhile. Last spring the subbing and wrapping up fulltime classes really tied me up. Shortly after school was out and I got a job and was in training all summer. In a few days I will post some other papers I wrote last semester to the blog. The best one was on Redemptive Suffering in the lives of our Saints of Darkness (John Paul II and Blessed Teresa of Calcutta.)

Because of the economy I had to cut back on studies to half time and find a fulltime job. I started June 8th. Shortly after graduating as a claims processor and going to the floor in September, to help those who have been in a car accident or had a tree fall on their house, our office was struck down with swine flu. Unfortunately, I caught it too. This past fall semester has been a very difficult one dealing with complications from swine flu, trying to keep up with grad studies, and working fulltime.

In October while I was in the midst of the bad bug, we received a new Bishop. Oh did that give my heart hope and pure joy. Any pain and suffering had that much more meaning and purpose. So yes I offered it up and then two weeks into the midst, our Holy Father announced out New Bishop. Paul Etienne. Our Lord was sending us our own Paul.

After the initial bug hit me, something was not right with my immune system. As some may know, I have lived with chronic health issues since childhood. Technically I live with Crohn's, Celiac, Arthritis, and Asthma. Well as you can guess by now swine flu is not a good thing to come down with.

I just know it was such a blessing for the Lord to give me the Job he did, because if I was still working as teacher or subbing, I would be much more in a hurt locker. I lived for a year without any heathcare or insurance, now I have it. I have been given an extended medical leave of absence with the assurance of a job when I have recovered.

That bug did something to my immune system, like put it into hyper over drive. Anyways when my GI specialist completed a colonoscopy shortly after the virus ravaged inside, he found that an area of scar tissue, I carried for many years, was beyond medical intervention.

So just after Christmas my parents and I found out from a very specialized surgeon down in Denver I had about 2 to 6 months before I blew. Basically a few months before I would have been life lighted. The scar tissue needed to be removed because it was falling apart like hamburger meat at a rapid pace.

So Jan 21st I had a permanent colostomy with pelvic floor rebuild. (Major, major, major surgery.) My recovery was going so well. I was at my parents in 7 days and had just completed my first follow up with my surgeon. He thought in two weeks I could go back to half days at work.

2 days later, my father and I both had an upper respiratory infection. Not good, in four days the skin around my surgery sight had rotted away on my body. VERY BAD! One of the worst complications for a Crohn’s patient happened. It had manifested itself on the outside on the body and eaten away at the skin.

So on the Feast of Our Lady of Lourdes; I was rushed back down to Denver and under the knife once more to save my stoma and my life. I knew I was in her hands. I was at peace through this even though I couldn't feel Christ's heart or closeness, but I could sense his work through those around me. All I could do was unite my pain with all those in need of prayer, the children in Haiti and new bishop, diocese, and those others I met who were so sick.

Then slow progress as they began medical intervention with high dose IV steroids, Humira, and 6-MP to get the Crohn's back in remission. On Ash Wednesday I was told to get ready to go home. So we were preparing to do just that, but Lent was just beginning. Suddenly my surgeon was there with two wound care nurses and suddenly I was going back to the OR. Still some dead tissue to be removed. So minutes before rushing to the OR, this beautiful deacon from the Cathedral down the street shows up in my room by my bed. Oh what a joy! The Lord was not forgetting me. That beautiful servant of God planted the biggest black cross of ashes on my forehead. As I was rolled into the OR, my surgeon let out a big roar and said, "The Man Got You!"

See through this all I had the wonderful care of a Christian Hospital at St. Luke’s in Denver across from St. Joseph. How much Christ had to be in so much control, because it is the very hospital with the one other Crohn's patient in the region already dealing with this same rare manifestation. The team of doctors already knew what needed to be done.

So ALL I ask is for prayers and keep them coming. God is working a Lenten miracle in me. For the skin that they thought was gone forever is growing back and my wound care specialists said it is because of prayer. Wow what a Lenten journey. My question though is if it is so possible to be so close to Christ in his wounds that you can't hear his heart beat? Always before when I suffered I experienced tremendous consolations, now it is just the reality of the pain. But mysteriously there is still this abiding joy in my heart, but it is not emotion. All I can do is smile, which is my Lenten journey. To not complain but to be still in joy and complete total trust that he is in control and that this is just another season. God always can make lemonade with us can't he?

Saints

Here is my video I made for the RCIA class I helped teach a few weeks ago. Hope you enjoy. So can you guess my favorite saints?

Burr and Aw Chew!

It is cold in Wyoming again as the winter weather roars in like it does in March. I am recovering from a bad bought with the flu. A friend of mine says it is just the beginning. So I thought I would visit my blog and say hi. I recently made a video for my parents for their anniversary so I am going to post it here. Thats about all I have energy to do. I really do need to visit this blog more often. The news and attacks on the Catholic Church have been growing and I need to speak up I think. God Bless everyone and pray you are having a blessed and fruitful Lenten season.

Life is Love

This is my pro-life video that goes with my third place paper called, Life is Love. On January 24, at the Wyoming Right to Life Rally at the LCSD#1 Administration Building on House Ave at 10 a.m. This event is held before our March from the Depot to the Capital Building in Cheyenne that begins at Noon. This March for life is probably one of the shortest in the United States, but we still have to give a lot. I am planning on bringing my mini video camera so that I can put together another video that will share the experience with everyone here and at GodTube and YouTube, Facebook, and XT3.com.

See, God always provides us with real windy and cold weather. We are all bundled up against the frigid temps. So this march is only for the tough of heart who love life with everything they got. You can check out my paper at a later date. I will post it after the event with the new video. God bless everyone and let us be a culture of personal responsibility and stand up for those who do not have the voice to speak for themselves.

Greetings and Merry Christmas to All!


Burr! It is cold here in Wyoming. I am sure everyone is very busy. But it is important for all of us to find the time to remember the real reason we are celebrating Christmas. A miracle, a great joy, the whole summit of our lives - Jesus Christ incarnated - He came as a little baby for each and everyone of us. That should cause us pause. It is his birthday. And yes in the great mystery of the mystical Body of Christ our birthday, too, but instead of focusing on what we are getting for Christmas, we should focus on what we are giving for Christmas. Christ asks for only one thing. Our hearts, so lets us give Him our hearts. Let us hold this mystery deep within our hearts and recognize the joy and hope that is within us. But, let us not to forget those around us that need that joy and hope too! for we must always be ready to share that which we have been given with others. For this world is in such desperate impoverished need for our witness of joy and hope that is our's in Christ! God Bless everyone and Merry Christmas!

P.S. Stay warm and hot chocolate with marshmellows and broken candy canes is a real treat. So enjoy one on me.

Cheyenne Has Theology on Tap!!!

Well we have taken the plung and 60 people attended the first Theology on Tap at Uncle Charlies in Cheyenne Wyoming. The New Evangelization has come to town, Father Bill Hill did a beautiful job teaching about Salvation and the conversation flowed so beautifully. It became a testiment to the power of grace of the faithful to know when they hear the truth. Can't wait until next month, December 18, 2008, Uncle Charlies at Yellowstone and Storey at 7 p.m. So come one and all and have a pint for the Lord!

Anima Christi

My Lord, my God, my Jesus, my everything. No more need be said, the video says it all.

My First Thousand Words for Christ!

I am beginning my first thousand words for Christ. A writing challenge called 30k for Christ started on the Catholic Writers Guild. A group of us have challenged each other to write 30,000 words for Christ from Nov. 1st through Nov. 30th. Pretty awesome and a little scary too. I need to write a least a 1,000 words a day.

I have joined the Catholic Writers Guild, USA. An online writing guild that traces it's roots to the original "The Keys" start by G.K Chesterton in the 1930's. It is so awesome to become a part of the renascence of the Catholic art of letters. Check them out it is a beautiful community of writers that are dedicated to building an authentic Catholic culture in the world in Literature. Wish me good luck and keep me in your prayers.

Crooked paths of the Lord!

Well, I resettled in Cheyenne. So Green Bay is on hold until we have a new Bishop here in Wyoming. Just started graduate classes this week and got an awesome message from the Holy Father on XT3.com So cool! Life is good but I need to get back to my studies. So this is a short posting. God Bless all!

That Catholic Show

Get this widget!

Visit the Widget Gallery

My WYD 2008 Video.

The most aweseome part of my world youth day experience is right here. Enjoy!

WYD 2008 was Amazing!!!!

Things have been going crazy but that is the Holy Spirit for you. Sydney was awe inspiring! I met so many beautiful Catholics lay people, consecrated people, and priests. I went go to confession with a holy Archbishop, was blessed by three priests at various times during the pilgrimage when I needed the strength. May the blessings and fruits of this trip I pray ripple through the secular culture of Australia.

During the trip we the pilgrims from the Diocese of Cheyenne, got the shock of our lives. Our bishop, my dear beloved bishop was moved to the Diocese of Green Bay. So what am I to do? Where do I belong? The world youth day pilgrimage became so much more than I ever excepted it to be. The Lord filled me with the holy spirit with so much love and the spiritual connection between my bishop, and I only grew instead of dissipating. Unbeknownst to me, he was suffering from a surgery in his knee and as the pilgrimage progress I came down with three infections. I was a pretty sick puppy at the vigil site. However, I have to admit, it was fine by me, I just offered it up and prayed like crazy, whenever I wasn't rushing to the restroom or sleeping. Well, sleeping isn't really the right word, because there wasn't much sleeping going on, but at least I got to rest my eyes and spent a lovely hour with the first aid guys near area E10. The EMTs were impressive making me drink bottle of water and take a few glucose tablets, then I was off again.

During the vigil it was so awe-inspiring, I looked up and the moon was so large and there was a giant ring of light encircling the moon and the racetrack in the sky. Mother Mary was just beaming down up us with John Paul II again. The miracle of clouds the next morning happened again like WYD 2005 in Marian Field it looked like the clouds were Angel wings and horns announcing his arrival. The biggest awesome most amazing beyond words was when Papa Bene' came in his Pope mobile right by us, his back was turned towards the people on the other side of the track and then he turned right at me- made eye contact, blessed me, and began waving to all of us around me. I am still speechless. Nevertheless, the video I think will say it all. I will be posting it here and on the new website XT3.com. So check it out!

This is a very brief rendition of WYD 2008 in Australia. Anyone going to Madrid 2011. I am ready, not! However, yes, I think if the Lord has his way, I will be there. This time I will be a group leader and not just a regular pilgrim. Anyway I up for it just I got one infection in Cologne, 3 in Australia, it is a little scary about Madrid. Also, it's a challenge to travel with a gluten free diet, but God provided, and I did well. Just slept for 5 days after returning to the states.

Well, that comes to the next news. With divine providence at work, major prayer, and heavy deep discernment, it looks like I may be following my bishop to the Diocese of Green Bay! We will just have to see and anyone who is reading this blog! Please pray for me as I pack up my office and my possessions and prepare to go wherever the Lord sends me. WOW! WOW! WOW! God is awesome, all the time!
God Bless everyone!

Perfect Joy too!

WOW the LORD is great!

A lot has transpired since I last posted. Graduate school got the best of me and working two jobs was just crazy on top of it. I am preparing to leave for Australia in just a few days, and so much is happening in my life.

Brief highlights:

My contract with the public school system ended on May 30th.

I was accepted by my Bishop and will be consecrated as a Virgin Living in the World this Fall.

I just interviewed for a job in Casper and may have to move to a new location upon my return from WYD.

I am going to Australia.

That is a lot of changes.

Also I got set up on the new xt3 website. So check it out! It is an awesome website for those who want to network with other Catholics specifically for World Youth Day pilgrims, but it will be for all Catholics. So come surf with us.

An amazing thing happened using the website, I was reconnected with someone I met on a retreat in 2005 and we are going to try to meet up at WYD. Awesome how the Holy Spirit works.

My family is having their big reunion, of course when I am in Australia. They think I have quite the nerve, at least my Dad does. But really they are so supportive of my vocation and what the Lord is doing in my life I can't complain.

I have been pretty lazy, been recovering from a injury that led to a soft scar tissue infection so I haven't done my big walking training program. I will do a lot of walking that final week. I need to wait until I get my follow up with my doctor later this week, before I do anything drastic. I did find a great pair of hiking shoes, instead of the boots. Boots I had for WYD 2005 gave me blisters and I am not going there this time around. I also have a much lighter sleeping bag, mat, and other stuff so I think my back will do well. I am still wrestling with the choice of roller luggage or backpack. I have both so I will work with my dad to figure out what I can carry on my back and if I might do a combination since we are traveling with a large group. I might only have to take a small amount with me to the vigil site, or take everything. We will wait and see.

Well, I need to go because I haven't typed any of my autobiography for my bishop today. Need to get my packet finished for him. God Bless!

Coming out of the Deep Freeze!

Spring is approaching. This week we discovered that there really is grass under the snow. I can walk around with a lighter sweater coat and do not have to bundle up. Well, I have decided to start building this blog spot up. And so some new pages are going to be posted here soon.

It is time for me to share the amazing ways that the Lord has and continues to work in my life. So I hope you all enjoy my story.

Let it snow, let it snow!

It has been snowing this weekend and the land is so beautiful. I have taken my Sunday to goof off a little. As a result, I have been working on my Blog and getting it ready to be used again. It is so good to get the opportunity to take a brief break from my term paper in graduate school. I have been thoroughly enjoying my class in the Catechism at Catholic Distance University. If there are any strong Catholic adults out there who long to learn more deeply about their faith in a more academic nature I highly recommend this online University. I am currently working on my Master's in Theology with a Catechetical Diploma. It will hopefully take 3 - 5 years to complete but that is well worth it. I guess I better go, now. Have a fundraiser to assist in getting finished . Yep, more World Youth Day stuff, but it will be so worth in July when we get to Sydney and see the Pope and our giant Catholic family down under.

Hello and Welcome to my new Blogsite!

God Bless all visitors who visit my blog! I dedicate this space to our Lord Jesus Christ, who is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Here I will share my life in beautiful Wyoming as a future Catholic Nun. My journey to becoming is not the normal vocation story. However, I look forward to sharing it, because my whole life is a miracle completely boasting of the Lord and his tremendous grace.

This site is under construction, so, please be patient. Between Graduate School, and two jobs, I am pretty busy, besides living in community. Thank you for visiting and please keep me in your prayers. You are in mine!